Dear Reader,
On August 28, 2016, my second daughter, Natasha Nkem Ilo drowned in a swimming pool. Our world crashed, our faith sank, and our life paused. Four months earlier, I had lost my dad. What followed after my daughter’s death was a tortured journey of survival, self-blame, frustration, and hopelessness. I did not know we would still be standing today. I remember wishing so earnestly for death. Even contemplated running my car off the road to avoid the pain. Everybody around me was in pain. Perhaps, the most heartbreaking reality was the pain of my wife and my daughter. It hurt that I could not help them. During this period, I took time to reflect on life in a whole different way. Things I wrote before assumed a new meaning but most importantly, I reflected on my own mortality; what was important in life; and what I want to be my legacy. I poured out my pains as raw as they were in writing. It was my only escape and my only therapy. This book is a collection of my thoughts before and after my family tragedy.
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